Fruit of the Vine and work of human hands,Thats what says in the service of communion. I didn’t just say it week in week out as it is a line repeated globally several days a week -I like so many qualified for their weekly taster probaly around 12 years of age but somewhere along the line I lost sight and control of its normality and it became my Nemesis.
For me drinking socially as a family and in community was 100% normal and I guess for many of “Parents” in our parish all those high days and holidays were in there eyes and minds acceptable and justified along the lines of “Well its common for European families to give children a glass” or The Culture card allowed them to justify its use on those so important days like Births, marriages and Funerals - and to be blunt so did I until 450 days ago . But I must stress I still want to celebrate and dance and sing but I want the freedom of choice to drink alternatives to my past choices ,all of which finally brought me to my Tipping Point.
My son is 21 this year and I feel that my journey to get to this point started and failed time upon time from 3 months after his birth.I actually had a normal day out, the first since he had been born. I can only guess all the years of drinking and life been on full throttle of being last man standing syndrome .It happened in slow motion and still haunts my mind on occasion- I leant across to pick up a glass of Red Zinfandel to toast the event ,I looked at my hand and as the glass left it towards the carpet something in my head switched off.
I spent 3 days in a catatonic state and treated for what initially was thought a stroke but and finally I came back to normality after what I can only say the darkest 3 months of my life - I had hoped to be better and stronger but the reality is it has taken a change of events and roles to finally take control of the see saw of life and topple into a world of new learning and realization of what I need and don’t need to be the better real Tim Taylor,I always knew and wanted to like myself more, sorry I mean love myself enough to let others in, with a mutual trust.
I have tried and tried to stop the one thing I always knew deep down was my biggest enemy in terms of changing me mentally and physically and worst of all it was the owner of the Black dog which I have had to wrestle with on many occasions.I have both lived and worked in Environments from the Forces to Estate management, which all used drinking and hosting at its very core, and from stirrup cups to wine tasting to finally a nightcap to sleep better, It had become an unbeliveable constant reason to consume more. Hospitality turned me into a hostage of my own making and even though still in it I now know with the right team and community I can continue for now.
So I feel my first steps onto the small grassy knoll in front of the long walk to the top of the hill of success started that day .Without doubt I had many many stumbles and counselling about my past and life issues I simply now realize I just was not ready yet subconsciously I was fighting a battle inside and then surrounded myself with people who drank so I guess I adopted the attitude of “I drink therefore I am”
My timing to draw a line under the walk upwards finally came at possibly the strangest moment and I was now working as a vineyard manager I was about to jump into something that was both needed but at the same time possibly the most financial income train crash ever, and then The what next ?spontaneous unthought through decision ever.I had been working with volunteers and was invovled with green social prescribing and supposedly the lead role- yet I was in awe of all these people who focused on me for help and advice. I was having emotions with spontaneous unexplained nerves when in a group talking, increased drinking and dark thoughts I thought I had control of.
On July 10th 2023 I found myself driving to a delivery with wine bottles to sell, I pulled over and looked at an app I had just been dabbling with for a day or so ,I pressed Join meeting and found my life.
My Journey to the better me has only just begun and finally I have fallen out of love with the one thing I thought was my best Friend.
Tim Taylor
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=D1Fw6CbGAX4&si=MuSjOsRr-ir_yTVN
You are no longer a hostage, and now your hospitality is centered on freedom. Thank you, Tim. I gratefully accept your invitation to join you on your journey. ❤️